Expectations set me up for heartbreak every time
and it’s not the fault of the other
it’s my fault
my poetic temperment and wanting to hold out hope for the best in people
thinking egotistically that I bring that out in people.
It never seems to work that way.
During one of our “talks” over vino on how we were going to move forward he surprised me,
surprised me by saying his ideal was for him to stay in what seems to be the cheapest apartment in Queens
and for the chicas and I to move out.
First to get physically sick and vomit.
The next morning I was angry.
I have now moved into scared and depressed.
And alot of this these seems to hinge on my status of soltera/single.
He asked me during that same “talk” if I was single,
meaning if I was dating/seeing/fucking anyone else
cuz if I was, he seemed to be saying, I would be out on my ass sooner.
Funny thing is I couldn’t really answer if I was single.
I mean I’m here living with my daughter’s father but we are broken up
and there are a whole mess of other factors that I dare not write here
that demand the question of my status be answered.
And I know some are reading this smiling a little
saying it’s my karma for the way I’ve chosen to live my life
pero the poeta in me still holds on to a little hope
still has some expectations
that it will all be ok.
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